Shine a light on autism

Saturday, April 2 was world autism awareness day and Light it Up Blue. The Light it Up Blue campaign is a global initiative to shine a light on autism and help spread awareness.

Obviously, most know that autism exists and what warning signs to look for, but if you don't know a child with autism, it's hard to know what to expect when you are around a child with autism. I used to think of Rainman when I would hear of autism. Or, I thought about a book I read way back when and the only thing that the child would do was rock back and forth and bang his head against the wall. By the way, we feel lucky that we didn't have this same experience.

I never thought that my Riley could look so normal, but struggle to talk. What? That's so crazy! I am an education major and when we learned Piaget's pre-operational stage of cognitive development, the major component is language development. When a child communicates- not IF a child can communicate.

It was heartbreaking to see Riley unaware of everyone around him. I had no idea that he even knew who I was. It was disturbing to me, a mother who had bonded with her child for the first two years, to not be needed or even wanted in the same room. He didn't need me. If he needed something, he would cry and keep trying to do it himself. He was frustrated and I know that he had to feel so alone. Not knowing that we were there to take care of him and to teach him and love him.

Then one day around 3 years old he learned to use his words. He learned to pull me by the hand if he needed something. He learned that I was "mommy" and we would get him anything that he asked for. Sometimes he didn't know the word that he was looking for and he knew that I could prompt him or give him the word or item that he needed. He learned to say, "I love you" in the sweetest voice in all the world. He learned to share his bed with us and show us pictures that he drew. He learned that when Mommy and Kylie go somewhere and leave him at grandparents, he wanted to go, too. He should go. We are his family.

Things are so different now that I thank God for every stride he has made, big or small. He has the sweetest little personality and he was made for me. I think back to when people told me how brave I am and how they could never do it. When you are put in a situation that you have NO control over whatsoever, you find that strength deep inside and you pray A LOT!! And that's how we are getting through it everyday. With a little humor peppered in as well. :)

So, when Riley screams just to scream or gets frustrated because he doesn't understand what we are telling him, an onlooker may think that we let our child misbehave or the child has no respect for those around him. Riley doesn't have a whole lot of awareness of social rules and what not to do in a restaurant or social setting and it is WAY more frustrating when people stare at us and scoff sInce he does look so "normal" .

I have found that tolerance has come a LONG way in just 4 short years and it's getting a little easier to do normal things that would otherwise just make Alan and I want to stay in the house instead of getting out. We still have times where just one of us will go with Kylie because we don't know how Riley (or other people) will handle certain situations but we are really putting ourselves out there by going to Disney World.

One thing that we really hope for the future is to be able to go to church as a family. Yes, church! We had a wonderful church in Dallas with so many loving and caring church friends and we miss that so much. I have discussed before how some of my "church family" (not close church friends) even had a problem with Riley and when someone at CHURCH makes you feel unwanted, um...... where do you go from there? I tried to ignore a lot and just go on with my business and a happy face but there were MANY times that I cried through church service, class, just being up at the building.

But I am learning to give it to God and work through those feelings. This autism thing is no longer a curse. I no longer feel sorry for Riley, or our family, or me. I am learning to embrace my sweet little challenge because God hand-picked Alan and I to be the parents of this sweet, smart, charming little boy. How could I not take that as a compliment? We may be challenged but we are blessed tenfold!!